Silver linings, positivity and good things

Welcome 2009. You are very welcome indeed. I'm glad 2008 is over. It wasn't the best year I've had. Although when I reflect on it some really wonderful things happened, and I'm grateful to 2008 for teaching me so much and getting me to where I am now... hard as it was. On the bright side:

• My husband and I got through some tough (really majorly tough) times and we are now expecting a second baby
• I got a job - a good one that pays well (although I have the jitters about it and wonder how long it'll be before it goes tits up)
• I learnt the value of money - credit crunch, recession, whatever you want to call it - my lifestyle had to change and I'm embracing it (but not too closely... bring back the days of designer shoes please someone!)

There were other celebrations too - like my brothers wedding. And sad times too, when my uncle died. But on the whole, now I think back, it wasn't so terrible.

So what's in store this year 2009? What are you gonna throw at me? Give me your best shot - I can take it. I'm prepared, willing and feeling invincible! Joking apart, I'm excited about this year. Firstly we're having a classic winter - cold and frosty - so I've got high hopes for a decent summer. I really want (need) a good summer because I'll have a tiny baby and I want to be able to sit in parks and laze under trees in the warm summer afternoons. I've always wanted to do that. I must have seen it in a film once upon a time.

Also I want to earn some good money before the summer - get my teeth stuck into my work and have the money to show for it. My daughter started pre school yesterday - let me tell you it was almost as emotional as giving birth. Seeing her tiny body in its branded school sweat shirt going into the little room and sitting on the floor with the other children broke my heart. If only I could have stayed and watched, but I knew I had to leave her and let her get on with it. What I would have done to be a fly on the wall. However, coming home for 2.5 hours uninterrupted work, housework, phonecalls etc was blissful. I can't deny it. I got soooo much done! She starts ballet next week (I'll be in therapy after that too..) so I will have Monday through Wednesday mornings to myself. I can scarce believe it. I won't know what to do with myself. But it makes me realise how all my aims for 2009 are linked - if I work hard and earn money, I can have my hair done (or go to beautician, or out for coffee, or shopping) on my own without putting on someone to look after my little girl. I'll feel good about myself. I'll feel as though I've made it. I want to use the wifi (we call it weefee in the country!) in the local deli and look important and savvy and sophisticated.

I want us to go on holiday - our first proper family holiday - before the baby comes in June. Just a week in Majorca or somewhere, cheap flights, warm seas and beaches, tapas.... mmmm... the feel of the sand on my feet.

And I'm going to be more positive - more positive about my marriage, my husband and our short comings. We're still here. Still together. Still got a spark even though it can be a bit explosive at times. We have our health. Enough money. A darling daughter. An unborn baby. A house. Food on the table. A future. Bring it on.

Am I bad?

I was at my local toddler group last week - it's a mainstay of the week's timetable and I love it as much as my daughter. It's a chance for all the village mums to get together and gossip about who is pregnant, who's just had a baby, who's child has got chicken pox, who's child minder has just quit etc. It makes you realise that each and every mother has different issues to deal with on a daily basis. When it comes to childcare issues I count myself so fortunate that I don't have to:

a) pay for childcare
b) depend on it in order to go out to work
c) have to go through the morning and afternoon nightmare of racing to drop kids, collect kids etc.

Do any other mums at home feel the same? I realise that it's an essential part of motherhood for some, if not most mothers, but I couldn't do it. I am blessed to have skills which enable me to work from home. Although I seem to be working and mothering all at once, not to mention being a housewife.... chef... cleaner... maid... chauffer... teacher... entertainer...any others? I love it and wouldn't have it any other way now. Selfishly I like knowing that the money I earn stays in my pocket, and doesn't go straight out into paying for childcare.

However back to toddler group - our lovely lady who runs it also is my daughter's 'teacher' at nursery and she informed me that they would be moving her down to the pre school in January. This is quite early as they usually take them from two and a half or two years, nine months - my daughter was only two in August. I COULD HARDLY SUPRESS MY ELATION!!!!! The thought of three whole clear hours at home twice a week is a GIFT! Does it make me a bad, careless mother to feel this way? I don't feel as though I'm turfing the little maid out of the house, unloved and unwanted. I know she will relish in the time spent with her little friends - and to be honest a 9am-12pm slot at pre school is far more convenient than the 1.30-3.15pm I already take her to.

As a working from home mother, these mornings could add up to some really valuable and precious, uninterrupted work time... although I will have to live one dream first - I'm taking my laptop to the local deli/coffee shop, I'm going to order a large coffee and eggs benedict and abuse the wifi. For work purposes only. Honest.