Thoughts from the Night Shift Part I

I won't go into why it's been over 14 months since I last blogged... reading my last entry just now has made me realise how much has changed in a year. It's 3.04am GMT. I'm writing this. And I'm working!! Yes - working. A proper job. An employed job. I'm at home. It's dark. It's silent... apart from the rather dysfunctional rooster outside who has decided it's sunrise, and crowed for 10 minutes. I'm hoping the badger might have found him and gobbled him up; I was worried he'd wake the children...
You may be wondering what work I might be doing at such an un-Godly hour. Well let me tell you. I am a 'Moderator' and I am working my weekly night shift looking after the highbrow BBC website message boards, blogs etc. I also moderate the rather more lowbrow HSN blogs, complaints and user submitted content. So on one hand it's Peston's latest blog getting a hammering by Joe Public who obviously knows best; and on the other it's Yanks expressing their love for tacky jewellery with matching 'pants'. What can I say - I love my job. I really do - even the night shift. I never dread it. I am so fortunate to have a flexible, employed job which fits around my children. And I'm not stuffing envelopes. I'm using my brain. I'm part of a team. I'm valued (probably more by my employers than my kids!)
So what about my kids.... well now aged 5 and 2 they are both totally joyful and hideous all at the same time. Hard work, demanding, argumentative, rude, aggressive, arrogant..... yet bright, brilliant, endearing and charming, all at once.
I think this shift might double up as my blogging time so I'm hoping to become a regular blogger once again. Until day-break!....

Where on earth have I been?

Submerged in motherhood, poo, puke, chores and the perpetual search for flexible work. That's where I've been. I have missed the blogosphere though and am happy to return.

A friend of mine has just started a blog which prompted me to re-ignite mine. Check hers out here - http://ramblingsofamumonbedrest.blogspot.com/ I know two friends who are both suffering with the same condition in their pregnancies. Life isn't fair. Pregnancy is hard enough without have extra complications. I'm thinking of them both an awful lot. It makes me realise how lucky I was to have two complication free pregnancies. My babies never wanted to come out, in fact if it wasn't for modern medicine I'm convinced they'd still be in there.

But happily they did come out and are now aged 3 and 3/4 (a very important fraction) and 11 months. If I could freeze time I would. I can safely say I've enjoyed every second of no 2's first year. She is a total delight.

Last time I blogged I was the size of a house but am happy to report that my pre pregnancy wardrobe is fully employed once more. I wish the same could be said for me.... I have been looking for work all year really. My arsehole of an ex-boss never paid me for work done in December and January leaving me in so much financial difficulty that I have had to sell almost everything I own to make ends meet. I have been doing odds and sods since then which has just about cut the mustard until we were told that we have to move house (we currently rent). So once again money matters came to the forefront and the pressure became more intense. I have interviewed for a handful of local jobs and been offered one - hooray! I was excited for about an hour until the realisation that I needed CHILDCARE hit home.... oh crap! I've never left my kids! Ever! I rang childminders, nannies, pre schools and nurseries so that I had watertight childcare arrangements. I did my calculations (thank God I passed GSCE Maths - just!) and collapsed.... after childcare costs, a cleaner (how would I be able to do housework after working 4 days per week?) I would be taking home £95 per month. Depression set in. Even without the cleaner it would be about £150. How could I possibly live without shopping at Waitrose and coffee-ing at Costa?!!! In all seriousness, once I weighed it all up, and added in the emotional trauma of leaving my children - missing out on no 2's first steps etc etc... I turned the job down. No job is worth leaving my children for. I didn't mean to fall in love with them both so much. But this is what being offered that job taught me. I was in tears everyday just thinking about it.

I am a mother first and foremost. Nothing else comes close. And I will wait patiently for my perfect, stay at home job to come up. I'm working on it right now!

Work, Wales, Weightwatchers...

All the Ws this week....

We've been away for a lovely long weekend to Wales - the Pembrokeshire coast to be precise. I confess I have fallen head over heels for all things Welsh. The deep and soothing accent of the very Welsh. The stunning scenery, sunsets and beaches. And Welsh cakes... yummy... although I couldn't eat too many - I'm on weightwatchers you see. I've got to lose my baby weight - it's hideous. And I thought I hadn't put on that much this time around. I've dropped half a stone and still have a stone and a half to lose. I'm hoping to be back to my pre pregnancy weight by christmas.

I'm still working pretty hard which is quite tiring with breastfeeding, running a toddler to pre school, ballet, music, toddler groups etc. I'm hoping that I won't return to my previous jobs after maternity leave so I'm trying to think of ways to expand my greetings card business. I'm meeting up with my sponsor next week to see how I can do this.

For once my marriage seems to be on track - thank goodness! We'll see how long that lasts!

Where oh where did my bloggy blog go?

Where the hell have I been? What a year - is it really already September... isn't that the run down to Christmas?? sorry... forbidden word isn't it. I've decided that I must start becoming a regular blogger again. I started this blog up for a good reason and I want to keep that in mind.

This year has been completely manic since I last blogged... in the snow back in February. Since then a few things have happened in my life. I have become an independent Phoenix Cards trader - my latest business venture and something I plan to expand when my circumstances allow for it. It's been great fun so far and has kept me in pocket money, and I really enjoy doing it. Please do contact me if you are interested to find out more - it's a brilliant business opportunity for mothers, and is something entirely flexible that you can do around your family commitments.

I took maternity leave in April and had my tiny baby girl in July - she weighed just 6lbs 1oz! A tiny scrap of a thing but she is gorgeous and a complete treat. She sleeps through the night (don't hate me!) already and rarely cries. I/we are very blessed to have such a good baby.

The summer here has been rubbish yet again - and pretty testing with a 3 year old and a newborn but we seem to have come through it relatively unscathed. It's the first day of the autumn term today and guess what... my 3 year old threw up this morning and so can't go! I've been living for this day and now I have an poorly girl at home on the sofa! I don't want to sound mean but sod's law or what??!

We are hoping to go to west Wales later this week for a much needed family holiday. The weather looks promising so keeping fingers crossed. Am looking forward to more blogging and catching up with your news on your blogs too. Bye for now x

Snow!

So the country has ground to a halt.... again.... 10cm of snow and the UK can't cope! But down here in Dorset life has pretty much carried on. Our village school has stayed open (thank God!) although I couldnt' drive so had to trudge across the fields with my daughter. It's her first experience of 'real' snow, and although she's been excited, it's cold and the blizzard blasting into her little face hasn't gone down too well! Here are some photos of our morning!

I hope you are enjoying the snow wherever you are....

Back on an even keel..

Cor... I'm glad January is over, aren't you? No money, crap weather, long month, depression, doom, gloom, recession. Not to mention the emotional issues I've been having this month . However, all's well that ends well. The baby is A OK! Had the test results and 20 week scan and the little devil is right as rain.... and............... it's a girl! I'm so excited! So tick that box.

Work has improved, or rather it has picked up and I should take home a decent pay check this month. I'm working all weekend for an extra £60 which is a pittance, but actually will do a week's shopping, so it's a lot to me.

My husband has gone abroad for a week (YES!!!) so I can slob out, eat junk, watch crap TV, go to bed early, wear my pyjamas all day, gossip to girls all day and generally rebel! Thank God, it feels like I'm on holiday! Actually I miss him now, but I always like these times apart and I know he does too.

The tantrums are still there but not so bad and easier to manage (or just ignore). We have had two uninterrupted night's sleep in succession which is a gift considering the week we have just had with 1. My daughter having a 24 hr tummy bug, cough and ear infection, 2. me getting aforementioned bug and a urinary infection and 3. My husband getting the bug (which naturally hit him hardest of all, poor chap).

So all in all, I'm glad the month is over. May February prove a short, sweet and easy month in comparison. Thank you to God and the good fairies of the world for looking after me and my baby. Let's have a few weeks off from stress now please.

Ten things I hate about men

I know, I know - only ten? you're asking.. Well I thought I'd try and keep this post short-ish. It's got the potential to be a monster hasn't it..

So I've been having a bit of a time of it lately (see last post) plus I've been working too hard, taking on too much in light of January being a notoriously long and lean month. My daughter has entered the age of TERRIBLE 2s with a bang. I thought I was doing alright on the tantrums front until about 10 days ago. Now they are well known, put in an appearance two or three times a day, and are hailed like an arch enemy of old. VILE. I woke up on Monday morning and the first thing she said was, 'I love Daddy. I not love Mummy'. CRACK... my heart broke. Yet I have to get up, make her breakfast, get her dressed and do lovely stuff with her. Another aspect they don't tell you about being a mother - lose your entire sense of self completely!

Through all this the one thing I could have done with was some support from my darling husband. Some sympathy. A kind word. Some loving. Fat Chance. So here is my list of ten things (it's taken me a week to whittle it down from about 150).

* They return the car on a Sunday night with no fuel in it. Thanks mate.
* They take your child's side of the argument over yours.
* They are lazy.
* They have no idea that motherhood is a JOB.
* They are selfish.
* Their problems are the biggest of everyone's in the whole entire world.
* They undermine you to look good in your child's eyes. (I could have punched him)
* When you feel like shit, they suddenly feel like shit - but worse than you.
* They are inconsistent.
* They have no foresight.

Those are the cream for this week then. I might make this a weekly post... what ten things are pissing me off most this week... hmmm...