Easy targets?

I was lying in bed at 4.15am this morning seething... my daughter was wide awake next to me telling me she wanted milk and to watch Peppa Pig. My husband had hot footed it to the sofa to avoid being kicked in the back by aforementioned wide awake daughter... In the process of the stress of being woken so early, I had tipped a glass of water over the bedside table nearly electrocuting myself and my family with the baby monitor. What a way to start the sabbath.... I haven't slept since. My eyes are squinting and it's only 10am. I lay in bed procrastinating and analysing my life, my role as a mother, my struggles and my victories. It's a regular discussion I have with myself and to be honest I do enjoy them, but not at such an ungodly hour.

I used to look at motherhood through rose tinted spectacles... I imagined life would remain pretty much the same as it always had been. Having a nice Sunday lunch out in a pub or restaurant, breastfeeding under a pashmina, shopping for myself and baby at our leisure.. It's not like that though is it? And the more I thought about it, the more I felt sort of, taken advantage of as a mother... Suddenly I am expected to be 100% domesticated, 100% dependent, 100% grateful for anything else that I get out of the ordinary, 100% thankful that my life now is dominated by a baby... and don't get me wrong - I am SO grateful and I love my daughter, my husband, my life... But I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. There are still things I want to achieve. My brain hasn't packed up yet (debatable). Not to mention the credit crunch - how mothers can depend 100% on their husbands and partners for financial support in times like this, I cannot fathom - the pressure must be immense.

Recently I have started a new job working from home which I am passionate about and really enjoy. All the employees in my position are mothers and we all work from home - although we are in constant touch on social networking sites, Skype and email. The terms of our employment has recently come under scrutiny and it transpires that the position will not be an employed one... This has shocked us all since we have shown loyalty, commitment and devotion to this new venture. It has changed everything. We now feel somewhat abused and taken advantage of as mothers... we feel as though they (the company) deem us as a desperate workforce who would be grateful for any morsels of work we would be lucky enough to find. Apparently they cannot afford to take us on as employed with the associated costs involved, but it feels as though our commitment to them is not reciprocated and we feel hideously let down.

Personally I feel as though I'm in a catch 22 situation - I am not prepared to go out to work and pay extortionate childcare costs in order to bring home a pittance; but I also respect myself enough to want to challenge myself and I want to have a proper job which I can do at home. With modern technology I'm surprised more people don't work from home. So I feel a bit as though this company has got me where they want me - too scared to turn my back on the potential of a good job and good prospects and half decent money (for a part time, stay at home mother.. ha ha); too scared to confront them about it and fight my corner to be employed in case they get pissed off and tell me to do just that.

So I suppose I revert to form, and probably the form of most mothers - I will put up, and shut up!