Rough with the smooth

So much for my 2009 positivity. So much for clouds having silver linings. I'm really down in the depths this week. My inspiration has dried up. I'm finding it hard to work or concentrate. I'm losing patience with my toddler daughter and losing my temper too.

I found out this week that my unborn baby might have something wrong with it. Results of screening have put me (or rather my 18 week old unborn baby) at a high risk. It's something I had NEVER thought would happen. Not to me. I'm young (ish), fairly fit and healthy.. I thought I'd be fine. Guess you never know do you. I'm hoping everything will be ok but you have to prepare for the worst don't you. No good pretending everything will be fine if it won't. I've been in hospital and have had some tests done and have to wait now to find out what the results are... which will determine the fate of my little wriggler. God I hope everything will be ok - the odds are stacked in my favour but you can't help feeling that you might be that one statistic.. that 'one' out of however many. What a funny hand life deals you. My last pregnancy was unplanned, unwanted to begin with and extremely stressful. And it was the easiest pregnancy I could have wished for. This one was planned, wanted to badly and has been such a happy time for me up until now. I feel like I have to put my emotions and feelings for the baby on hold until I know if everything will be ok. It's a very surreal time. Motherhood is peppered with highs and lows, new feelings and experiences every day; I really had no idea. I always feel faced with something and this latest bomb is another emotion, another stage to get through, another experience in the scrap book of life. Never what you expect. But I'm a believer in fate and hope that my philosophy will get me through this time. Be grateful for what I have and try to focus on the good things. Hold that thought.

Pah! PA?

I've just read an astonishing article - well I found it astonishing. I think most every day mothers would feel the same. Admittedly the article was in The Times, which probably appeals to a higher form of human being to me, but even if it had been in the News of the World I would still have been open-mouthed.

Apparently mothers now have the option to employ a PA to do the jobs they can't fit into their busy lives. From Christmas shopping, to organising childrens' parties, these PAs can seemingly do anything, and work any hours you instruct them. Well wouldn't that be lovely, if you can afford one! How many mothers in this day and age, particularly with the credit cruch, can afford to pay for this 'extra pair of hands'? Not me. I am my husband's PA, my daughter's PA, my own PA for that matter, and still I have to find time for my own work and ordinary day to day housewifing and mothering duties. You have to be organised and find the time - even if that means staying up til' Midnight (and looking rough in the mornings). I can only imagine that these mothers who can afford a PA are out enjoying champagne lunches while the tasks they consider too mundane are undertaken by a perfect stranger. Or am I a cynic? Tell me if you think so.

Do they consider themselves above the normal, run of the mill parenting duties? Or are they so disorganised, or over-achieving that they simply need the added help? Either way it proves that there is far too much pressure on mothers to look gorgeous, have gorgeous, well behaved children, hold down a job, look after a household, have a perfect marriage, and fit in time for a social life too.

Angelina's answer

Apparently Angelina Jolie has decided to fade from the public eye and movie stardom in favour of being a full time, stay at home mother. Good on her I say. But I wonder why it's taken her so long to make the move? I am not a fan of these celebrity mothers who are back to a sickly size zero straight after giving birth; or those who are running half marathons two weeks after having a C Section. In my view they should be at home with their newborns, bonding with them, getting to know their quirks, nursing them and letting their babies learn all about their mothers and surroundings. Those first few months and years are so important.

So why has it taken Angelina so long to succumb to the charms of being a stay at home mother? Surely not financial pressure. It must be the love of movie making. Or perhaps just because she has the luxury to choose a career over parenthood. What do you think? And do you really think that she will be the full time mother cliche? Cooking, cleaning, doing school runs etc? Looking slightly harrassed in her pyjamas at the school gates at 9am?! I can't quite see it myself, but credit where credit is due - she obviously loves being a mother.